It's official......bye bye Birdie

Last Friday my baby boy had his senior portraits done.  Needless to say, God had his hand on even this small little detail related to my son's senior year.  First of all, a long time ago I won a sitting with Katie Rivers Photography.  Yeah - you heard me.  I've never won a THING in my life that was really of any value to me, and then BAM, I won this.  Mind you, my first instinct was to give it away, to my daughter, which I did.  Meanwhile I searched for the "right" person to do Burton's senior portraits.  Couldn't find the right person. Anyways, the weather never really cooperated for my daughter to use the shoot, and one of my friends told me what an amazing job Katie had done with her granddaughter's senior portraits.  So, I took it back.  YEAH I did - I took my free sitting back from my daughter.  I felt a little guilty because she & her husband have never been able to afford having their son's picture made professionally, but some little voice kept saying "take it back, take it back."

So Katie agreed to photograph Burton - I sent her some details about my shy little boy, we set a date, and of course, the weather didn't cooperate.  So we ended up rescheduling for a Friday & I let Burton leave school early.  My boss let me leave early, and the session was a wrap.  

Here's the really interesting thing - Katie & her husband are in the midst of preparing to adopt - Burton is adopted.  So God must have meant all along for Katie to take Burton's pictures.  I'm sure Katie knows PLENTY of adopted kids - and she has probably photographed a gazillion of them, but what she didn't know is that Burton is a new Christian - he accepted Christ back in the fall at a youth retreat, and he's become a small group leader to 5th grade boys at his church.  Katie is a Christian - first & foremost.  Now we all know that I am a left-leaning liberal, socialist inclined human, but I am a Christian also - first & foremost.  I've waxed and waned with regard to church attendance, but I know from Whom my strength comes, my ability to bounce back, my heart for others.  Oh yes I do. But like my father, I prefer to exhibit & share my faith through action & giving.  I'm not a dogmatist (is that a word??), I'm not a bible-beating literalist, but I do practice prayerful living, and I believe in a faith-based life.

Isn't it just like God to orchestrate all of these little bitty details so that Burton had Katie take his pictures?  Now I believe sincerely that God helps those that help themselves and others, but I also believe that in our weakness he provides gifts - like this gift I won.  Katie - if you read this post, you should know that you were given to us as a gift by God.  No one else could have, would have, been able to capture Burton's spirit on film.

I say all of this because it sets the stage for my next comment.  I'm having a difficult time dealing with the fact that Burton is leaving in August to go to college.  Now all you "positive Polly's" just hush a minute!  For SO many years now, it's just been "Burton & me."  Yes, I'm pitching a pity party, ok?  Now it will be just "Emma & me." Don't get me wrong - I am excited about Burton's journey - I am so proud of the man he has become.  I can't wait to visit him at Furman, can't wait till he experiences that rush of "being on his own."  

When Katie sent me the link to Burton's senior pictures - something clicked - this is FOR REAL.  He is going to graduate from high school, and I have VERY little time left with him, to influence him for good, to teach him about women, to love him, to hug him, to baby him. These pictures - they capture my baby but also the man he is.  That little innocent look and smile, the Godly man smile, the struggling new Christian "attitude," and more.  I can't quit looking at them.  I can't quit weeping with joy and sadness all at the same time.  I'm imagining how happy he will be at Furman, how many new friends and experiences he has in store.  I am SO happy for him, so scared for him, so scared for me.  THIS is a new phase of life for Burton, and me (and Emma - who will need doggie antidepressants & therapy for sure).  Have I mentioned that when Burton goes to visit his Dad, Emma lines all her toys up near his bedroom door, lays down, and puts her head between her paws?  She loves Burton.

I wonder what will be next in my journey.  I know graduate school is part of the journey - that little tug won't go away, so it's gonna happen.  Which program, what school, how soon - all those details will fall into place.  Will I meet someone?  Will I ever marry again? Will Burton go to senior prom (I'm gonna make him)?  Will Burton meet the love of his life?  You get the "picture."

If the details of a senior portrait shoot are important enough for God to perfectly orchestrate, how much more important are the details related to Burton's upcoming journey, and mine?  Just sayin...